Take Me to Lovers Island

The season of love (which for me is always the entire month of February 😉 ) has been filled with candy hearts, horror movies, wedding planning and honeymoon dreaming. Nothing says Valentine’s Day like a scorned lover betrayed by a cheating wife. Who needs Cupid’s bow when you’ve smashed your husband over the head with a beer bottle and left him for dead in a burning house fire? Ah, the month of romance. It makes people do crazy things. A true “Til Death Do Us Part” experience for this month’s horror fashion review.

My tape ❤

Honeymoon Horror from 1982 is full of the seasons most wonderful things; A sexy widow, college girls playing pranks on their “just married” sorority sisters, a group of newlywed couples headed to a secluded island for a honeymoon getaway, and of course, the unfailing theme of vengeance. Maybe I’m the only one, but I fucking love this movie. I think it’s just what we all needed this season. St. Valentine would be proud.

Barely readable title card xoxo

Costume designer Sheena Gordon brings us the goods in this one and we are eternally grateful because here I am, ready to break it all down.

Our main babe Elaine is played by Cheryl Black; stunning in every way and knows how to wear red. We’ve got three gorgeous sorority sisters; named yellow ranger, blue ranger and black ranger. Lastly, we get the three newlywed babes, Kay played by Margi Curry, Sue played by Kari Addington, and Linda played by Leslie McKinley.

We have SO MANY BABES in this movie – lots to keep track of, but here’s words to live by; you can always forget a name, but you’ll never forget an outfit.

Let’s lift up the three sorority hotties first. They are with us for the shortest amount of time.

blue ranger, black ranger, yellow ranger

The one thing that I will NEVER argue against for what the 70s-80s eras brought us, is jogging shorts. The high waist, the upside down V slit on either side with the colored trim, the perfect hem hitting riiiiiiiight under the butt cheek. No matter who wore these, they instantly looked perfect. Let this continue to be a lesson to us all: BURN ALL LEGGINGS AND BRING BACK THE JOGGER SHORTS.

my bridesmaids ❤

We appreciate with this little trio, the effort that was put in for them not to look EXACTLY the same. Yes they are sorority sisters, not triplets. We appreciate a distinction, knowing that most girlfriends tend to fall in the trap of look-alike culture.

Black ranger in the middle has a classic baseball tee in black and white, with perfectly matching black jogger shorts with white trim. We can tell by this desperate effort to match, that she is uptight. She is always on time if not early to pledge week, she wakes up at 7:30am every morning, and she will not mix her peas with her carrots, if you know what I mean.

Yellow ranger wears a honey bee yellow slight v neck tee with cap sleeves and she chooses to balance it out with a lovely forest green in her jogger shorts. We praise yellow ranger for matching just enough, but not being too anal about things. We notice the trim of the shorts are actually much brighter in hue than the yellow tee, they don’t match at all. She’s not stressing it and neither are we. This babe is smart, she knows herself well enough to break her own rules every now and then. She’s fun, not bossy, but will kill anyone that hurts her sisters.

The striped trim on blue babe is just the right amount of spice

Blue ranger is coming at us with a short side slit romper with a striped trim. We know she’s the life of the party, she’s showing up late to pretty much everything already a little buzzed, she spends her time laughing at guys’ terrible jokes but has never dated anyone. She’s the kind of girl that genuinely forgets to bring a jacket to the bonfire because every guy there will offer her one the second she shows up. Blue ranger gets it.

But do they?

All I can say is, if my bridesmaids/girlfriends don’t literally take a boat to my honeymoon cabin and decorate it like shit, I will disown them. This is a MUST in every woman’s life. This is the pinnacle of friendship.

Every girl wearing a romper with side slits needs to be holding a skeleton.

I cannot get over how perfectly this romper is fitting on our blue ranger. Effortless.

“Virgins need no urgin”

Yellow ranger knows all about great hair products and headboard decor. I will not get over this sunflower hue for her.

I think it’s the way the shorts hit right above the butt and the waist is so high it synches perfectly. It really is an all-time win. Also this as a decorating outfit was an iconic choice. The sunflower and forest green combination is a mega ode to co-ed sports, we are here for it.

The classic shaving cream on the mirror trick

We honestly die for a cap sleeve and miss them terribly.

Black ranger doesn’t even think to check in on her sisters and goes back to the boat to wait for them. We knew she would be the first one to get done, that little box of hers was already organized and ready to go. She’s an overachiever but in this case it was a big mistake. At least her baseball tee is killer.

She’s the first to go, but that deep raspberry lip and rouged cheek is all we can look at.

She dies in an odd and very uncertain way. All we know for sure is that she loses an arm. We will remember her and the sorority rangers fondly. RIP to the sisters.

Our pack of newlyweds cascading into the harbor of Lovers Island is what we get next, and it doesn’t disappoint.

I can only hope that I will know two other couples that are getting married at the same time as me so we can all take a trip and bang in the woods together. A girl can dream.

When we first meet bombshell babe Linda, she sets the tone with a navy blue and red striped skin-tight midi dress and walks onto the dock saying, “who needs clothes on a honeymoon”.

The white collar with the long front button white trim and the peep trim on the sleeves really helps to break up the striped pattern on this dress, it is perfect for her. Does it scream newlywed? Not really, but any trousseau is good so long as it matches the girl, and Linda is a bombshell through and through. The matching name blue canvas belt that synches up her waist is also a power move. She’s not wasting a second and wanting to show every curve while she’s still got em, married or not.

I love that the navy buttons match the navy stripes in the dress and she’s pulling this look effortlessly together with that shiny blonde bob. We see you Linda.

The next outfit we see Linda in is the obligatory “I just had sex with my new husband” nightie. It’s a sheer black with a few button closures in the front and super short length with frills. She bangin’ in every way, rocking the classic bombshell black and hair falling perfectly.

You all know by now that one thing that I am a huge fan of, is when we get to see the clothes come off. Nothing says horror fashion more than a gorgeous outfit being taken off by a killer hot babe right before she dies. It’s the ultimate. We see a side shot of Linda in the shower not long after dinner while her new hubs is out in the dark woods to do a work out. And this is the beginning of the end for her.

Yet again, we aren’t entirely sure what the fatal blow was, but this shot is very horror hot, and we are here for it. We love a shower death scene. RIP Linda, we will remember the blonde bob forever.

Next up, is gorgeous babe Sue.

We meet her on the dock in a deep red short sleeve button up blouse tucked into a high waist midi length khaki jean skirt with a light brown belt. Aside form the Target uniform initial response to this outfit, we understand her more. She is not a risk taker, and not exactly worried about what she’s wearing. She’s in this trip for the honeymoon, dying to be a wife and love her hubs til death.

We can’t make out what the shaving cream says on the mirror, but Sue is so lovely that somehow she is making this khaki skirt thing work for her. But truly, this outfit is connecting to Sue’s character more than we would expect. It’s practical and understated and modest. Sue is the only one out of the newlyweds with concerns about the trip and how honeymooning on a remote island may not have been the smartest move. As the audience we know she’s right, but there’s no real evidence for her to feel this way. She’s intuitive, she spends more time with her thoughts than in front of the mirror and we respect her for it.

The virgin on lovers island comes back in a big way showing more of her sweet and innocent side. Nothing says wedding night like a sheer pink hip-length babydoll teddy, especially if you’re Sue. She is all class and elegance in this. Yet, we can’t help but wonder if she might pull out Charles Dickens for round two instead of making love again to her new husband.

The champagne toast says it all for Sue who probably drank last at her cousins wedding when she was 16. No wonder she hid a bottle of it under her seat on the boat just for this moment. The teddy fits her perfectly and we fall in love with Sue completely.

Next time we see Sue she’s perfectly dressed for dinner in a cabin in the woods. A dark plaid long sleeve button up that she’s tied at the belly. High waisted cut off jean shorts in a light wash with a light cream belt.

This combination is simple and yet sexy. She’s not about to show too much cleavage outside the bedroom, but a little leg never hurt anyone, and her curls are falling beautifully in this scene.

The last time we see Sue, she’s all bundled up in a robins egg blue robe that she borrows from Elaine. This is a very apt ending outfit for her, she’s wrapped up again, not thinking about how she looks, she’s concerned for her friends.

Sue is my favorite death in the film. The kill is so disjointed and edited poorly, but the coffee she made falls from the chaos and drips slowly on the ground beside her, hitting her hand while the axe wound to the neck seals the deal. The last still shot of her on the ground with the bright yellow kitchen chair front and center is a gripping shot. The woman who wanted to be a wife so badly, doing all the domesticated shit that she would love to do, and she wasn’t even able to finish a pot of coffee. The kitchen chair is a looming omen of what she will never have and the robe is a taste of mornings and evenings with her husband that she didn’t get. RIP Sue!

Kay, the bright and sunny blonde from Chicago. I don’t actually know if she’s from there but it makes sense if she was.

Let it be known up front, Kay can wear a blue pallet. She oozes charisma and elegance in Hollywood blue when we see her emerge from the boat.

A scenery and weather appropriate look for Kay is what we have been craving all along. A blue blouse tucked into a long classic red flannel wool skirt. Toting a small and effective weekend suitcase in a cream white completes this look entirely.

FYI, I will be holding a small suitcase like this while walking to my honeymoon cabin wearing my season appropriate trousseau. Mark my words.

Kay is a doll. She’s wit and wisdom all in one. The proper way which she holds the suitcase, the choice of skirt, she’s obviously the eldest of the three new brides and she carries herself as such.

The dialogue between Kay and her charming groom is some of the best stuff I’ve ever heard. It’s real, well written, and funny. The believability of Kay as a character is only elevated by this as well as her outfit choices. We know she is caring and devoted, it’s in the frills and drapes of her second ensemble. She goes for a flowy teal blue top with a dark bluish purple thick fabric belt to tie at the waist. This is a surprising second look for her. Her relaxed white shorts also help to prove in the narrative that she’s older, not rocking a modern high waist jean or a skirt.

The flow on this blouse is almost out of control in the scenes that follow. We don’t know why she’s hiding behind all that fabric, but we do know that there is more to Kay than meets the eye. Maybe even more than she knows about herself. She is, after all, one of the only women to survive this honeymoon weekend.

The effort that Key put into those red nails is astounding. She’s not much for modern fashion but she won’t let herself go. I’m learning from Kay on this, if I’m going to die on my honeymoon, my nails better be fucking perfect! She makes it out alive though, a sweet moment for her and her new husband. Hopefully she learned more about herself through this harrowing experience and that sometimes a teal blue isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Lastly, we have Elaine.

The side stripped pattern of this very 70s length disco but also nod to 50s vibe dress is everything. Elaine isn’t an easy character to pin down, and we are introduced to the whirlwind of her with this first fit.

A cute look to cheat in

The dark purple belt at the waist helps to bring out the pastel pallet of the rest of the dress. The hair in tight curls. This girl is definitely looking the part of someone who’s happy and got it all, but we know that’s just for show.

I’m wanting to believe that her life with her husband is utterly terrible and he’s an abusive pile of crumbs BUT I’m not sure that’s the case. She is an unreliable character, to say the least. She wears a simple nude bra to cheat on her husband with. This indicates to me that ultimately, she is just bored. No lace? No florals? No fishnets stockings? No real effort. This girl wants to cheat just to stir the pot and she’s got a tricky unexpectedly evil side to her.

She pulls up her dress right before she decides to strike her husband in the head.

And what color would you wear if you were truly a mourning widow who inherits an island dedicated to love prevailing? Red? Elaine is full of deeply rooted themes of danger, revenge, and not giving a fuck. A fire red seals the coffin shut on burned to death husband.

The choice of a red dress is perfect for Elaine. We get the full picture and her craziness here and we are desperate for more.

She matches the red dress with a red lip and red nails of the same exact hue! What a fucking statement! This girl knows she did the unforgivable, and she’s no dummy, karma is coming for her but she’s not going to go down without a fight.

When we see Elaine again, greeting the newlyweds with a tour of the island, she’s perfectly dressed the part of professional. A partly unbuttoned dark blue, purple and white plaid shirt tied in a knot at the waist paired with a knee-length dark wool flannel skirt.

Elaine is the kinda girl that knows her way around a kitchen but hates every second of it. Maybe her husband was more demanding in the kitchen than she liked. Either way, this outfit is season and cabin in the woods appropriate and we love her for it.

The half unbuttoned top is so sexy for her, she’s a troubled babe but she oozes sex and danger every second of this film.

The last few times we see Elaine, she’s wrapped in robes. The robins egg blue robe comes first. Playful, light, and veering closely to angelic. That moonlight really makes the color pop as she finds the champagne bottle for Sue.

The last outfit we get is her most subdued yet. A long floral and striped robe that is back to the lighter color pallet she wore at the beginning of the film. She taps into her nurturing side for the latter scenes, taking care of the other women and also maybe even accepting her inevitable end.

We can’t say that she didn’t have this coming. While an axe isn’t the exact weapon you’d pick for an ex husband who burned alive, we accept the approach of a final blow to the skull as retribution. Though we almost wish she was wearing red in this final scene, an ode to her ferocity and lack of remorse, the damage and danger within her, we realize that the frilly floral robe is a white flag waved far too late. Let’s just hope for her sake that she wasn’t buried in it.

Hope this season of love has been inspiring, invigorating, and one more reason to praise horror fashion.

See you in the spring, lovebirds

XO,

Grace Lovera

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