Idaho isn’t the place to be for summer 2020 in case anyone was wondering. This is already a place with hardly anything going on and now people keep getting sick. Big time. Bars are still shut down and restaurants might close up again, and the running joke that circulates this small ass town is that aliens will come next in line for their time to shine. I feel like that was a meme over two months ago. Whatever, people still wear early 2000’s bedazzled back-pocket jeans here so I’m not surprised.

The Western Idaho Fair officially released its cancellation announcement for this year. It was a matter of time. Unfortunately I’ve come to depend on the god damn fair because when I saw the announcement I got choked up. The fair is my second favorite place in the whole world. Here’s my simple list of favorite places to be:

1. The Drive-In

2. The Western Idaho State Fair

3. Baseball Game

4. ANY side walk or street that I can roller skate

Basically, I’m bummin’. My 2 & 3 faves are off the summer list for good this year. Minor league is out of the question. Hawks cancelled their season over a month ago and don’t even get me started on Major league. When I watched my first game of the “season” I was pulled even farther down the rabbit hole that I’ve been falling for the past 5 months. Remember that part in the movie Little Nemo where he meets Flip and they walk into that upside down room for a second and then it’s never acknowledged again? Baseball feels like that right now. Cardboard cut outs and fake audience sounds. It’s bizarre. It’s not like it’s the end of the world to see a fake ballpark hot dog vendor frozen in the stands or commentators zooming-in from their bedrooms, it’s just sooooooo weird thouuuuuugh. I feel like this is all a dream now, officially.

But really, I don’t remember a time in my life when the fair didn’t roll into town. I’m glad it’s not coming this year because it would be a nightmare of a time. It wouldn’t be the same, just like everything else that’s trying to come back isn’t the same. I’d rather remember it how it was. Also, wearing a mask outside for hours in 100 degrees sounds like torture.

I’m going to miss those bright colored tents and the way the twinkling lights look at night. I’m a sucker for that. The smell of fried food and Victoria’s Secret perfume filling the dusty desert air? CLASSIC Idaho summer. No fear of dying on the carnival rides this year. No cotton candy stomach aches, or the frosted-tipped carnies inviting me to go to their tents with them after hours. I’m even going to miss the fucking clowns.

Whatever, I’m not going to waste any more of your time being all sad. Life is a trip, nothing is real, 2020 will go down in the history books and maybe I’m just lucky enough to be a part of it all.

I’ve decided to morn the loss of the summer carnival and welcome the actual possibility of aliens visiting us soon by doing a Horror Fashion Review of my all-time summer go-to, Killer Klowns from Outer Space from 1988.

This movie is so good. Still, a vastly underrated masterpiece. Opening with the iconic Dickies song. The rest of the music is also great. Such a clever movie. Definitely watch it if you haven’t yet. Then just keep watching it because it rules.

Straight out the gate we are introduced to our main girl, Debbie. Played by Suzanne Snyder. Think, Return of the Living Dead Part II & Weird Science, think 80’s blonde with a killer smile.

We dive right into a classic car scene at the local make-out spot. The lovely strawberry lipstick and blown out hair is a GREAT introduction to our main babe. As the film rolls on we get a good glimpse of her entire outfit, and it’s all downhill from there.

All white sweatpants and a white long sleeve shirt underneath what looks to be a linen tan colored dress in size 2XL with saggy pockets. This dress MUST have been kept bunched up in a suitcase for two weeks before she put it on cause it’s looking rouuuugh. Add to this look a chunky black belt and yellow dinosaur earrings and you have yourself an outfit that screams confusion. Sure, it’s the 80s, but that aside, this outfit isn’t telling us what we need to know about Deb. The earrings and the all-white says, “I’m Debbie. I’m cute and pure and a tad immature,” then the chunky belt with the strawberry lip says, “but I’m totally down to park and make out on a yellow blow-up raft while drinking wine.” Honestly, I have no idea what the brown dress is saying. Probably not anything good.

From a character standpoint, having this be our introductory outfit to Debbie was doing her and us no favors at all. The conflicting combination of this outfit makes it hard to pin down her personality in these opening scenes. PS there’s NOTHING worse than a hot ass babe that doesn’t know how to dress herself, especially in a film, unless of course it’s for character development. Not sure what’s being developed here with this ensemble. Point is, I wouldn’t want to be seen by anyone in this get-up, let alone an alien clown.

Granted, this was none of Snyder’s doing. Darcee F. Olson was the costume and wardrobe designer for the film. Olson completely slayed the Klowns and costuming in literally every other aspect of the movie, so I’ll chalk it up to her being distracted with millions of other details by the time it came down to main character fashion decisions.

Thankfully we get a breather from this outfit in the middle when Debbie takes it off and jumps in the shower. We then see the Klowns getting mischievous with door dash deliveries. The iconic moment when mega-babe mystery girl opens the door to Killer Klowns with a pizza we get like 5 seconds of exactly what we need for this character based on what we can see of her outfit.

A sheer white lace cami over bra-less breasts with dark blue eye shadow on her eyelids and a raspberry lip. Hair that gives us attitude and charisma all at once. Why I bring this into the mix? Because with a side character they did more to build her up with this one outfit than they did for Debbie the entire movie. Just sayin.

Debbie is a confusing character. We don’t really know what she wants, we don’t really get her vibe, and her clothes don’t help us figure it out.

This brings me to Deb’s second outfit. A light brown ribbed sweater over a white top. She’s also wearing red, white, and blue beaded necklaces. What is Debbie’s vibe here? She’s obviously the kinda girl who will put on jewelry after seeing a Klown drink blood from a cotton candy-fied person. So, I guess we finally get some characterization here. I’ll admit that the sweater is a great call and it gets even cooler after she’s bit by those bathroom cabinet popcorn worm Klowns. The light wash blue denim jeans and the dirty tennis shoes look typical girl next door 80s who’s not trying so hard. I think it’s great.

The hairdo is helping her here, the half up half down with the poofy bangs brings her more sophistication. Deb completes the look with chunky salt and pepper colored leg warmers and she’s back to being a complete stranger again.

I’m not opposed to the muted color pallet chosen for Debbie, that’s a good move overall given the crazy awesomely bright colors of the entire movie. It creates a good contrast. The classic separation of good and evil. This is probably the smartest thing they did with her outfits. Debbie’s a tough cookie to crack in this one and maybe the magic of these outfits is in the mystery. Just like with most things.

Till next time summer dreamers,

Grace Lovera